Overwhelming

Today was an overwhelming day.

A day of realization. A day of reflection. A day of gratitude.

A day I would prefer to not have many of, but a day I am grateful for having.

I had the opportunity to talk with many of my students one on one. WOW!

The heartache they are having. Loneliness, betrayal by unfaithful parents, death of parents, illness that they are too young to have, disorders that cause them to be depressed or insecure.....

The list goes on......

And I thought I have had it rough. Breaking my back, tearing up my face... seem like nothing compared to what these kids are going through. And want to help them. As they share I feel my shoulders get heavier and my heart get broken. They have made space in their hearts for me and I want to help them heal.

"You should always leave a place better than when you found it,

ESPECIALLY,

when it is someones heart."

It is Tuesday at 2pm, and I am thoroughly exhausted. One more hour of work, but I am done. My job is not physically difficult, but when you are emotionally spent all of you is spent! Who would of thought a few conversations could draw so much out of you.

I feel like I am a well who has given my last drop, but now I am thirsty. Where do I find water now, who has enough to give to me? Do I share my burdens with another, and cause them to be burdened too?

No, I will not do that to another. I can not do that to another, not today, not when I have had the realization that many of us are already heavily burdened but hide it so well. I know that so many of us, in the dark cracked corners of our hearts, are suffering our own Gethsemane. But, instead of blood, you'll find tears. Silent, unseen tears that come from the heart.

Are you carry the burden with a smile, while your heart cries? These tears, no human can wipe away. You're children, parents, loved ones?

How can someone be so thirsty, yet have so much moisture coming from them?

Where? Where do you turn? Who can quench that thirst, dry up those tears, and heal that heart.

As the burden weighed down upon me, I realized I needed help. I needed to drink pure Living Water.

I soon found myself on my knees, seeking the Eternal Well. The well that never dries, the well that heals. This isn't my burden alone to carry. These are His children. As I poured out the tears, He poured in the Water. Hope filled my heart with a dash of peace, and a handful of strength. I am not alone.

For a brief moment, I felt a small amount of the concern Christ has for all of us. I felt it for my youth. Not nearly the amount He feels, yet enough to put me on my knees begging for strength to carry the burden of their souls. Begging for understanding and wisdom.

"And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive" (Matt 21:22)

I asked, believed, and received!

I heard the voice of the Lord call to me,

"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest"

I am heavy laden, I will come! REST? No, I still must labor on, but here "rest" to me is the strength of the Spirit. Empowering me and lifting my burden to be shared with Christ.

"For my yoke is easy, and my burden it light" (Matt 11:28-30)

This truly is His "yoke" (or work) and this burden is really "light" (or illumination, not heavy).

His burden, my burden, our burden, is easy and light. After much reflection, I am so grateful for my Savior, Jesus Christ. I am so grateful for the opportunity I have to serve the youth. But I do not serve alone, I have a partner, that will give me rest and Living water when I ask. I will have the Savior "yoked" next to me helping carry the burden.

And, I WILL echo the Savior's words when I am in my own Gethsemane,

"...and fell on his face, and prayed, saying, O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me: nevertheless, not as I will, but as thou wilt." (Matt 26:39)

"Nevertheless, glory be to the Father, and I partook and finished my preparations unto the children of men." (D&C 19:19)

I know this is a long 'blog', but I needed to vent. And I hope you realize that everyone has their very own Gethsemane. Please, oh, please do as the Savior has done, kneel down and pray to the Father for strength, hope, understanding and wisdom. If you ask, He WILL answer! He will put on the yoke and pull with you! He will send the Spirit to strengthen you and give you vision.