Where?

Dear TaNece,

This blog is for you! Where are you and how can I get a hold of you. I tried finding your blog. No luck!

Opposition in All things, God's Love in Everything!

Blessed are the hearts of the weakened, afflicted, sorrowed, and burdened. For in these things humility, strength, love, and friendship are developed.

I am only me and in the last 2 weeks I have discovered that being me is pretty dang lucky. Many have heard the phrase, "SCARRED FOR LIFE"! I am scarred for life! But instead of the insecurity and shame a scar may mark the person with, I am scarred differently. My scar is a tell-all! Not of ugliness or blemish, but a mark of an experience that gives me great joy and gratitude.

Although I carry on my face a surface mark of my immortality and imperfections, its significance is far deeper and more penetrating. The water ski only made it to my skull, but the Spirit has made it to my soul. This scar gives me great love for all my Father in Heaven has given me.

It is amazing how such a small event can have such an eternal effect on you. I have learned how blessed I am to have been placed on this earth with my family. It amazes me still how God is involved in the details. I am so lucky to have parents that would drop everything at even the thought that there child is suffering and needs help. When the phone call went out to my parents that I had been hurt, they came running... LITERALLY. I watch my sweet little mom run down the launch dock searching for me. But what really impressed me wasn't just their reaction but the fact that I could trust that they would be there! When it first happened, before I knew it was serious, my first thoughts were to turn to my parents for help. And I am so grateful that they answered my call and and proved faithful in the trust I have for them.

For those of you who have wondered how I can have such faith in my Father in Heaven and His son Jesus Christ, there is your answer..my earthly parents have taught me through there example the possibility of a loving Heavenly Father who is always ready to help me and I can trust in Him to be there when I call.

But my experience doesn't end there! God has promised that angels are constantly helping you along the path. He never leaves you alone and gives all assistants you may need. He will allow you to suffer and stretch, but never alone. 2 hours from the accident was an angel prepared to help me. For years he was being prepared. Not just to be my surgeon, but my kindhearted generous brother. His preparation wasn't only academic and medical, but his preparation began has he decided to marry a beautiful self-less wife that constantly supports him in his endeavors and growth. She encourages him to be better through her example and through her words. She has become an essential part of our family. And I am sure if there was any doubt in Matt's mind as to what to do, Jenny was right there letting him know what to do!

Of course I am grateful that Matt could work on my face. I know he is a talented and gifted doctor, but I needed more than just that. I needed someone that I could trust would do his best because I knew he loves me. I know Matt had some reluctance to work on my face, maybe because he knew he would have to look at it forever! But even with that reluctance he sacrificed his Saturday with his family and began a long and tedious process of putting me back together.

And 2 weeks later I am healing up beautifully, the scar isn't gone but I am glad it isn't! It reminds me every day of my Brother's love and gift. Not only my brother, Matt, but also my Brother, my Savior. It is a kind reminder of His love for me. And His gift to repair my blemishes, to put me back together when I can not do it myself. But like Matt's constant phone calls and check ups, my Savior is constantly checking up on me to see how the healing is coming along. Like a true "Doctor" HE never just leave His patient alone after the surgery. He is by your side through out the healing process.

He is checking on your progress and He sends others to check on you. "Nurses" if I may. And He has sent plenty of nurses to check up on me and help me feel loved. Calls from my siblings, prayers from my family, hugs (and sometimes "ewws and grosses") from my nieces and nephews. Friends trying desperately to lie to me about how "it really isn't that noticeable". Co-workers sending me home early to rest. Home Teachers calling and checking in..... the list goes on and on. I could write a book about the many angel "nurses" that have helped me feel so loved in the past 2 weeks.

But here is the blunt unfiltered truth.... I struggled! Surprisingly, I went through so many emotions. Emotions that we all feel throughout our lives, but they were packaged tightly and powerfully in one week. Emotions and feelings I thought I had long since overcome. Feelings I thought I had been through and overcome long ago. Feelings of depression, lower self-esteem, feeling ugly, awkward and insecure by everyone staring at my face. (not because I was beautiful, but because I was "marked" with something ugly)

I could not understand what God's reasoning was behind "this trial"? Had I done something horrible? Was I too vain? Conceded? I felt horrible that I was so vain to care that I had a scar on my face. I felt ridiculous that I even cared that my forehead/eyebrow was paralyzed.

As I knelt and talked with Heavenly Father I apologized for the dumb feelings I was having and how I knew that it wasn't that big of a deal. I knew that others were and are suffering worse than me. I hated that these feelings were filling me. I didn't want to feel this way and wanted to go back to 'ME'. Happy me.

I realized that the cut had gone deeper than my skull, it had pierced my soul. And if I didn't take action it may poison me. It may seem a bit dramatic, but it is true. Self-doubt can really hurt a soul. I needed to start taking control and doing what I had been taught and have been teaching for years... I needed to rely on the Atonement to help me. I needed to turn to my Savior to teach me and rely on the Spirit to help change me. As I have pondered my feelings and emotions I have realized that I am not the same person I was a week ago. As I look in the mirror I see someone different. I see be better through the Saviors eyes. I am better!

My worth is not defined by my scars. But I define what my scars are worth.

And this scar is worth so much. I have strengthened my relationship with my Savior, I have become more humble but at the same time more confident. My beauty is a reflection of how I feel inside. And I feel amazing. I feel like I am such an incredibly special person. Why else would God bless me with such an amazing experience. Why else would God let me know how much love surrounds me. God taught me how much He loves me through His "angels", my family and friends. And most important He taught me about the Atonement, Christ infinite sacrifice, and the eternal perspective.

I am beautiful because I am a daughter of God!

some scars are worth keeping

Accidents

Not just another day on Bear Lake!

Well, it seems I stay below the radar, unless it has to do with an accident. When I get hurt I really get hurt. I go all the way. If you remember about 8 years ago I decided to take a very common occurrence and make it into a catastrophe! I got thrown off my horse and broke my back. Many times I have been thrown, but never with such severe results.

Well, I was doing something I have done countless times.... water skiing. And I thought I would take crashing to a whole new level......

I am only smiling because I am in shock, I think! Trust me, it was worse than it looks and it bled enough to satisfy many vampires.

It didn't hurt until Matt got done with me. Although he wasn't the cause of the pain, it was the pain killers wearing off.

DR. MATTHEW DAHLMy hero! What doctor do you know that will come in on a Saturday and sew a mess up. But I think he did enjoy it a little. Below he is poking my skull. And yes I could feel it. The ski went right through the muscle to the bone. And let me tell you, when the doctor says, "wow, you have paint from the ski on your skull" it kind of makes your stomach turn.

And yes, I was awake the entire time. I guess I have a pretty high tolerance for pain. And hate when doctors ask, "on a scale of 1-10 how bad is your pain". Why don't they just ask, "how much morphine do you want?"

Dr. Dahl did a great job putting humpty dumpty back together again. But I still feel like the sister of Frankenstein. Harry Potter's scar has nothin on my "T". And if you are wondering how many stitches do I have? Dr. Dahl quit counting! You just get to see the top layer of stitches.

The next day, The bruising on my forehead began to drain into my eye. And for some reason people really think a black eye is a big deal, but trust me the head is a little bit bigger deal.

Funny thing is, I am almost 32 yrs old and I have always wanted a black eye, I changed my mind.

I am drugged!

So, a bit about the head injury. I was water skiing and apparently did an "endo" into my ski. I rarely fall skiing many of you know. So, I was pretty ticked and my back was strained. I pulled the ski off, and saw a few floating stars. As the boat pulled up, everyone on the boat began shouting, "Carlye, are you OK? Carlye?" I said I was fine but done skiing. Their response, "Ah, Carlye, you are bleeding." I reach up to touch my face and looked at my bloody hand. Then I quickly realized that my face was covered in blood as was the water. The boat got to me and everybody started trying to help me. I got really irritated because it made it harder and I didn't feel hurt.

They pulled me in the boat and immediately went to helping me. They handed me my towel to use as a compress. Quickly the towel filled with blood and at this point I was a bit concerned and ask for a mirror. Some of you may think this vain, but I needed to know what I was working with.... Ugh! From a 1st aide kit I found a compress and applied. A very fine young man, Ed, tried to comfort me on the way back across the lake. About 15 minutes to marina. And by then my parents were waiting. I held it together until I saw my mom and dad running down the ramp. Then my eyes began to tear up.

It is really interesting that as soon as my parents appeared I could rely on them for strength. And it felt much much better not having to be strong. Letting my dad's arms surround me and be my support, felt like heaven. It just felt better. Much like relying on the Savior. It just feels better allowing Him to encircling you in His loving arms.

We went to the clinic in Bear Lake, but my mom was not about to have a PA sew my face back together. Not that I am a model or anything, but she does have to look at it for the rest of our lives. :)

So, we began the trek to Salt Lake City, to have Dr. Dahl fix me up.

My favorite comment was from Matt, "Man, Carlye, you are more of a mess than I thought." Way to boost my confidence.

But he did fix me up very well, especially with the assistance of a wonderful Mom. She stayed by my side the entire time, even though she was starving and doesn't like blood. She is a perfect example of what a perfect mom is.

After a couple hours and several packages of suture I was finished. Well, Dr. Dahl was finished. I still have a bit to recover. My face is uglier now than the day it happened, and I still have paralysis above my eye. I am praying that, that will return. Or I will have a seriously sexy eye brow raise!

Even if I have a long road ahead to have my face back, and it might not be back to "normal", I will take my face anyway it comes, as long as it means I get to live another day.... another day with those that loved me enough to help me!

Thank you for all your help. Thank you for all your love. And thank you for your prayers! I have never felt such love and concern.

My Princesses!

My Princessess! Real Names withheld! For the protection of the precious ones!





"Lyla"! She will tell you exactly how it is and how it should be. "Don't tell me, cuz I do it my way."

This little lady is full of life and sasssssssssssy! Which can be a dangerous combination if she is in a mischievous mood. Be careful of surprise attacks of her little fingers tickling you all over. Being full of life also means she is ready for action, up the mountains on foot or down on skis! She may be sassy and stubborn but that leads her to be your very best cheerleader and comforter. IF you are in need, she is there! Ready to take action to protect .....or give you a hug! As a friend, she is the best!

Because she is stubborn, she is as loyal as they get!

My "KI KI", she too is loyal! Loyal to me. "Arlee, arlee, no bye bye!" as she slams the front door closed. Boy, do I miss the surprise visits to my room. She has such an affluent personality. Someone that makes you feel like, "she just likes being around me". She is playful and loves to see you smile. And no one can resist smiling when she begins to giggle. Nothing gets much better than having those small little arms wrapped around you, it makes you feel a "BIG" love!

'Boo Boo', why? Her giggle is contangious! And is just like "Boo" from 'Monster's Inc'. If she isn't giggling, she is twirling, swinging, leaping, and pretending she is a princess. But no need to pretend, SHE IS A PRINCESS!

"my cowgirl"
Don't be afraid.... she is harmless! She is as sweet as sugar in honey! Her heart is tender and stalward! She is my best buddy! My hiking partner! Young she may be in age, but as wise as my Nanna. She can talk to you and listen like she has been doing it for centuries. And she can ride a horse like no one else!

All of thier hearts are full of love and my heart is full with them! Love Ya Girls!

It is a very sad day when you go to see your doctor because of a pain behind your right ribs. Yes the pain is really sad, but the possible diagnosis is even more sad when you find out that the possible problem usually only occurs in women..... over 40yrs old, overweight, or have had several children.

Umm, I really hope none of these describe me; otherwise I am in even more trouble than having gallstones. Yep, kids, I go in tomorrow morning for an ultra-sound to see exactly what the problem is, but with my luck the answer will be... "you're fine. (Must just be in your head)".

By the way it really isn't that bad. I was pretty scared on Monday, because the pain was uncomfortable. But since then it has subsided quite a bit. Until I ran into the log beam protruding out from my parents house. Let's face it, I probably should not have been helping with the construction of my dad's front stone porch. I mean seriously, who walks into a log beam that has been there in front of me for years. Am I a little off.... I guess so!

Unfortunately i have an Olympic Tri this Saturday and although this is the "tampering" week, I think by body decided it was the "I am off" week. I haven't been able to do much, only a 500m swim. Not the best way to go into a tri, but at least I feel like I can still do it, well at least jump into that freezing Snake River and float down stream. I will "try the tri".

Maybe with gallstones, week of no training and a concussion the playing field might be more equal for Tessa and I. Tessa, has been in Taiwan for almost a month and hasn't had much training for the Tri. And she is still doing it. Wait a second maybe Tessa some how is sabotaging my physical body to beat me in the race? Or could it be Jenny somehow, she does feed me.... maybe a little poisoning. She is really competitive!?


I will give a reward to anyone with details leading to the demise of them?


Ha ha! Well, lets see what else will life throws at me before the Tri!!! Actually I don't want to see anything else. But I am tough, just watch and see! I will swim like a shark after blood, bike like a bullet bike, and run like a cheetah is chasing me!

By the way Cheetahs can run a 6 minute mile! Run baby Run!!!

Cooking it up!

Can you believe how dang cute this girl is? Even when she is yelling "ee ee ee" and pointing to herself. She wanted to add the sugar and Karo syrup.

cheese!_____________

Watch out though.... she is wild and crazy with the oatmeal! I had to hose her off in the sink. It was even in the diaper.

Its been too long!

I haven't really felt the need to blog. Beside I am sure nobody ever checks it out anymore. But I thought I would do an update!~

Almost 10 months since I have moved and in 10 months so much can and has happened. All to benefit my growth. Whether I have enjoyed the whole ride or not.

I am headed to California today. (Happy Birthday, Nanna). And on Friday we are going to Disneyland. And as I have been planning this trip and thinking of my younger years of going to Disneyland, I realized that, life really is like a roller coaster!

How many of you have ever got on a ride and

a. didn't really want to

b. was really excited

c. didn't really know what you were getting into

d. was just following the crowd

e. all of the above

Every ride we have different feelings for. I used to love the tea cups because I liked the world spinning by at a blur, knowing I was safe in my cup and could decide how fast or slow I would go. I hated being trapped in the submarine ride where I was just stuck! No where to run and hide (that one they took out of the park, I think its Nemo now). I loved Tom Sawyer island where I could pretend to be whomever and had the freedom to run around and be free. One ride I like that wasn't a favorite for others was the safari. I loved being surprised by all the animals and being able to sit back and enjoy the scenery. A "can't miss" was Space Mountain. Until I took Payton with me and she screamed at me the entire time and wouldn't talk to me for an hour after, because her dad told her it wasn't scary (I got blamed). But I personally loved that ride. Knowing you were safe and secure and you flew through the darkness. The thrill of the unknown, but feeling confident it would all turn out you would be smiling the entire time! It may have been dark and you weren't in control, but it was easy to trust it would be full of laughs and screams and in the end, oh so worth it.

So, many different rides, just like life. And I feel like I have experienced them all in the last 10 months. Some I have really enjoyed, some I wish I could do with out, but I know they have helped me become who I am.

And to be perfectly honest, I like who I am now more than who I was 10 months ago. Not that I was a bad person by any means, but I am different! The Lord really does know which rollercoaster ride to put you on so that you get off feeling braver, happier and stronger! Sometimes your stomach dropping and your heart hopping can really strengthen you!

I owe a huge thanks to my Matt and Jenny's family for making the ride enjoyable. Living with Matt and Jenny as really blessed by life. I loved having the opportunity to watch a marriage that is full of love and friendship that I can't wait to find one for myself. They didn't just let me stay in their home but in there family. I was one of them, always included... dinner time, FHE, road trips (I even have my assigned seat in the suburban), movie time, walks. I have loved my time with my nieces.

Going on hikes with Kenna (she is an amazing listener and friend),

surprise visits from Avery as she independently ventured the stairs (with her wobbly 1 1/2 yr old legs) and threw my bedroom door open, just to hang out,

my little private chats with Kyla and wheeling and dealing,

And of course, making and eating sweets with my sweet Ellie.

Never a lonely moment with the girls around. But if they were all gone I always had Max to come hang out with me downstairs and watch t.v.. I think both Matt and Jenny might be ready for me to leave, Matt for stealing so much of his sweathearts time training for an Olympic Triathlon. And Jenny for making her train with me at 5am.

You know, actually, as I think about it..... everyone in my family has made the transition easier to this new place. I was invited to Jared's for dinner, and man Renee is an amazing cook. And anybody knows that Payton really knows how to welcome someone. A hug from her is worth a thousand hugs. And let me tell you those boys can keep you running and LAUGHING for hours. You can't help but be happy in their home.

Mom and Dad have been exceptional at checking in on me and making sure I am "ok" and taking my dogs. And with taking my dogs taking my worries about them. Even though Koda probably lost 20+ lbs, they were more worried about it than me, I think. Letting the pup into the home (1st dog to have permission) and taking great cares to try to get him to eat! They took care of my dogs better than I would have! They are really good at that... taking care of us kids. Doing far more than they should and expecting nothing in return. A quality I can learn better.

Have you ever notice how much they do for us kids. How much they go out of their way to make life easier and better. Even when we are ungrateful and unkind to them, they have given us so much that we could never repay them. Feeding, housing, cleaning up after us. It seems no matter our stage in life, they are coming through to help us out. A lot of time on their own dime, Even though they have spent the last 36 years working their tales off they sacrifice their savings and retirement to help us. Which they really don't have to, they should be sitting on a beach in Hawaii reading a book. But I guess that is the love of a parent. And I am so appreciative for their love, although I need to do better at returning it.