Opposition in All things, God's Love in Everything!

Blessed are the hearts of the weakened, afflicted, sorrowed, and burdened. For in these things humility, strength, love, and friendship are developed.

I am only me and in the last 2 weeks I have discovered that being me is pretty dang lucky. Many have heard the phrase, "SCARRED FOR LIFE"! I am scarred for life! But instead of the insecurity and shame a scar may mark the person with, I am scarred differently. My scar is a tell-all! Not of ugliness or blemish, but a mark of an experience that gives me great joy and gratitude.

Although I carry on my face a surface mark of my immortality and imperfections, its significance is far deeper and more penetrating. The water ski only made it to my skull, but the Spirit has made it to my soul. This scar gives me great love for all my Father in Heaven has given me.

It is amazing how such a small event can have such an eternal effect on you. I have learned how blessed I am to have been placed on this earth with my family. It amazes me still how God is involved in the details. I am so lucky to have parents that would drop everything at even the thought that there child is suffering and needs help. When the phone call went out to my parents that I had been hurt, they came running... LITERALLY. I watch my sweet little mom run down the launch dock searching for me. But what really impressed me wasn't just their reaction but the fact that I could trust that they would be there! When it first happened, before I knew it was serious, my first thoughts were to turn to my parents for help. And I am so grateful that they answered my call and and proved faithful in the trust I have for them.

For those of you who have wondered how I can have such faith in my Father in Heaven and His son Jesus Christ, there is your answer..my earthly parents have taught me through there example the possibility of a loving Heavenly Father who is always ready to help me and I can trust in Him to be there when I call.

But my experience doesn't end there! God has promised that angels are constantly helping you along the path. He never leaves you alone and gives all assistants you may need. He will allow you to suffer and stretch, but never alone. 2 hours from the accident was an angel prepared to help me. For years he was being prepared. Not just to be my surgeon, but my kindhearted generous brother. His preparation wasn't only academic and medical, but his preparation began has he decided to marry a beautiful self-less wife that constantly supports him in his endeavors and growth. She encourages him to be better through her example and through her words. She has become an essential part of our family. And I am sure if there was any doubt in Matt's mind as to what to do, Jenny was right there letting him know what to do!

Of course I am grateful that Matt could work on my face. I know he is a talented and gifted doctor, but I needed more than just that. I needed someone that I could trust would do his best because I knew he loves me. I know Matt had some reluctance to work on my face, maybe because he knew he would have to look at it forever! But even with that reluctance he sacrificed his Saturday with his family and began a long and tedious process of putting me back together.

And 2 weeks later I am healing up beautifully, the scar isn't gone but I am glad it isn't! It reminds me every day of my Brother's love and gift. Not only my brother, Matt, but also my Brother, my Savior. It is a kind reminder of His love for me. And His gift to repair my blemishes, to put me back together when I can not do it myself. But like Matt's constant phone calls and check ups, my Savior is constantly checking up on me to see how the healing is coming along. Like a true "Doctor" HE never just leave His patient alone after the surgery. He is by your side through out the healing process.

He is checking on your progress and He sends others to check on you. "Nurses" if I may. And He has sent plenty of nurses to check up on me and help me feel loved. Calls from my siblings, prayers from my family, hugs (and sometimes "ewws and grosses") from my nieces and nephews. Friends trying desperately to lie to me about how "it really isn't that noticeable". Co-workers sending me home early to rest. Home Teachers calling and checking in..... the list goes on and on. I could write a book about the many angel "nurses" that have helped me feel so loved in the past 2 weeks.

But here is the blunt unfiltered truth.... I struggled! Surprisingly, I went through so many emotions. Emotions that we all feel throughout our lives, but they were packaged tightly and powerfully in one week. Emotions and feelings I thought I had long since overcome. Feelings I thought I had been through and overcome long ago. Feelings of depression, lower self-esteem, feeling ugly, awkward and insecure by everyone staring at my face. (not because I was beautiful, but because I was "marked" with something ugly)

I could not understand what God's reasoning was behind "this trial"? Had I done something horrible? Was I too vain? Conceded? I felt horrible that I was so vain to care that I had a scar on my face. I felt ridiculous that I even cared that my forehead/eyebrow was paralyzed.

As I knelt and talked with Heavenly Father I apologized for the dumb feelings I was having and how I knew that it wasn't that big of a deal. I knew that others were and are suffering worse than me. I hated that these feelings were filling me. I didn't want to feel this way and wanted to go back to 'ME'. Happy me.

I realized that the cut had gone deeper than my skull, it had pierced my soul. And if I didn't take action it may poison me. It may seem a bit dramatic, but it is true. Self-doubt can really hurt a soul. I needed to start taking control and doing what I had been taught and have been teaching for years... I needed to rely on the Atonement to help me. I needed to turn to my Savior to teach me and rely on the Spirit to help change me. As I have pondered my feelings and emotions I have realized that I am not the same person I was a week ago. As I look in the mirror I see someone different. I see be better through the Saviors eyes. I am better!

My worth is not defined by my scars. But I define what my scars are worth.

And this scar is worth so much. I have strengthened my relationship with my Savior, I have become more humble but at the same time more confident. My beauty is a reflection of how I feel inside. And I feel amazing. I feel like I am such an incredibly special person. Why else would God bless me with such an amazing experience. Why else would God let me know how much love surrounds me. God taught me how much He loves me through His "angels", my family and friends. And most important He taught me about the Atonement, Christ infinite sacrifice, and the eternal perspective.

I am beautiful because I am a daughter of God!

some scars are worth keeping